Redneck Arrested   2 comments

From time to time, a musician(s) will create a spectacular work. For whatever reason, it distinguishes itself from its peers. It may be a technical masterpiece, showcasing tough to match skills, or it may possess an emotive quality that demands a response from its listener. Sometimes, there isn’t a real reason, and it’s just awesome.  This and this* are good examples.

*Adding another link for consideration. Not all rap is devoid of meaning, although not all of that analysis might not be accurate.

This, however, is not one of those times. Hold on to that hyperlink, folks, we’ll be referring to it occasionally. Tyler Farr is, I assume (I don’t know much about people in the music industry), a budding country star, and is sharing his life story with us, through the gift of song. At some point in the future, he’ll release a song, or even better, an album, regaling us about the lessons he learned and friends he made in prison. Because it sounds like he’s definitely spent some time there.

LYRICS!!!

Gonna drive like hell through your neighbourhood
Park this Silverado on your front lawn
Crank up a little Hank, sit on the hood and drink
I’m about to get my pissed off on

Rip-roaring start to the song. Seems like Tyler has a beef with someone. Fair enough. Life happens, and sometimes people fuck you over. However, there’s no reason to fuck over the neighbors while you settle a grudge. People need their sleep. While it’s possible you’re causing trouble in the afternoon, this seems to me like an evening/late night activity. Hank is gonna wake some people up at night. Assuming you actually mean Hank.

Another minor quibble that isn’t integral to the shittiness of this song, but Tyler is far too drunk to get himself onto the hood of his truck. It’s difficult to comfortably situate yourself on a 4ft. tall sloped metal surface at the best of times, and certainly not after you’ve rolled through a 30-pack.

I wonder what his “pissed off” is…

I’m gonna aim my headlights into your bedroom windows
Throw empty beer cans at both of your shadows
I didn’t come here to start a fight, but I’m up for anything tonight
You know you broke the wrong heart baby, and drove me redneck crazy

Oh. So it’s petty passive-aggressive sadness. I’m envisioning Mr. Farr dropping intoxicating tears onto his steering wheel, pounding through a beer, then spitefully lobbing the empty aluminum shell at his former lover’s figure, only to have it slow down and stop (as aluminum cans are wont to do) about six-and-a-half feet from the driver’s window. The clink of the cans on the ground is easily mistaken for a window, because drunk, rinse and repeat.


Wish I knew how long it’s been going on
How long you’ve been getting some on the side
Nah, he can’t amount to much by the look of that little truck
Well he wont be getting any sleep tonight

Nobody wants to be cheated on. Such emotional upheaval is very painful, a large part of you being ripped away in the coarsest manner possible. Harassment is not a justifiable action after being cheated on. I’m trying to be fair, but it’s so hard right now. I’m also wondering if our friend Tyler was really cheated on, or just didn’t get the message that he and his lover’s relationship ended long ago. This current chain of events suggests the latter.

And then, dick-measuring contest.  If you learn any lesson from country music, beyond don’t listen, it’s that the entire measure of your being is determined by the size of your truck. Simply put, if you don’t have a truck, you have a vagina, and the length and girth of your member is proportional to the length and width of your 4×4 (only a gay has two-wheel drive). We have to get engine size into the calculus, so I guess they relate to the testes in some way. Math is hard, guys.

I’m gonna aim my headlights into your bedroom windows
Throw empty beer cans at both of your shadows
I didn’t come here to start a fight, but I’m up for anything tonight
You know you broke the wrong heart baby, and drove me redneck crazy
Redneck crazy

Coming back to the chorus and all of its brilliance. I think Mr. Farr’s intention all along was to start a fight. Judging by the ManMath above, fisticuffs is the most direct and foolproof method for him to win back his lost woman. He already has the bigger truck, and will further assert his dominance by drunkenly assaulting the new boyfriend. Upon the cur’s inevitable defeat, the grey clouds filling and confusing his woman’s poor, overtaxed mind will suddenly disappear, and she will realize the error of her ways. Tyler will take her back as she throws herself at him (preferably pussy or boobs first), and he returns to their cave to live out the rest of their days.

Did you think I’d wish you both the best, endless love and happiness
You know that’s just not the kind of man I am
I’m the kind that shows up at your house at 3am

He’s really not trying to make himself look good here. Not a lawyer, but I’d guess this is submissible as evidence in the upcoming restraining order hearing (just assuming there’s gonna be one soon).

I’m still working under the assumption that he really didn’t get cheated on, but even if he was, thought I’m gonna throw out here: Maybe your ex-girlfriend left you because of who you were. You, in this case, meaning a crazy, moronic, obsessive, alcoholic asshole who doesn’t understand what “moving on” means. Or “I never want to talk to you again”, “you’re under arrest”,  or the always classic “you have the right to remain silent”*. Lesson for Mr. Farr: living well is the best revenge. Definitely not spending a significant amount of your life in a penitentiary and AA.

*Adding this just because.

I’m gonna aim my headlights into your bedroom windows
Throw empty beer cans at both of your shadows
I didn’t come here to start a fight, but I’m up for anything tonight
You gone and broke the wrong heart baby, and drove me redneck crazy
You drove me redneck crazy, oh

Hope you didn’t forget your hyperlink. That was a spectacular music video. It’d be even better if they spent more of the video with deep, introspective looks into the video camera. So I can know how Tyler is really feeling.

This might be a little inside rednecks, but the operating budget for that music video was about $300. Half of it was for gas, half for booze. All of the four-wheelers and 4x2s were in somebody’s possession beforehand. They were on somebody’s grandpa’s land, and that shack had been there for about a century and a half. There were 8 broken cars somewhere on that property that they dissembled and frankenstein’d together. I am, however, interested in their TP gun. It looks pretty cool.

Posted July 1, 2013 by anthman27 in Uncategorized

2 responses to “Redneck Arrested

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  1. I do believe I am a gay by this description! There are two good things about that video; the toilet paper cannon and the fact that Willie (?) from Duck Dynasty graced it with his presence.

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